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Shut up: there is no reasoning with a crazy woman

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So yesterday my doorbell is ringing crazily, I get up and go to the door, open it, and…  Nothing.  No one is there, the mail lady’s truck is sitting at my post box and she is nowhere to be seen.

Weird.

I see that Helena my newest gosling girl is out and I run out for the tenth time to put her back inside her (electric) fence.  (How does she do it?)

Suddenly the mail lady comes dashing around the corner and I make out something like…

DOG!  CHICKENS!!!

I run to follow her as she goes back around the corner.  And there he is.  Twenty-five pounds of chicken terror on the paw and he has killed one of my chickens.   I have been chasing that little dog out of my yard for weeks now and finally told the owner:

“Keep the dog in your back yard or I will call animal control!” 

So after yesterday’s episode I called animal control.  Later, when I thought the parents would be in I go to tell them what happened…

Lowlights of the conversation:

“This dog???  He’s been inside all day!” (NOT!)  “That’s it this dog is dead!”  (I don’t want you to kill your dog I simply want you to keep it in your yard!)  “So the mail lady comes at 1:30, so why did you wait till now to come complaining?” (You were at work, I didn’t want the dog to get my baby goose too!)  The lady marches to the back of the property and I hear “MARWAR!”  (name withheld to protect the minor) “GIT OVER HERE NOW!!!   The rest was unintelligible except for the part about killing the dog again.

At this point I loudly interjected:  “I DON’T WANT YOU TO KILL YOUR DOG, JUST KEEP IT IN YOUR YARD!

We had this trouble (same neighbor) about a year ago when the two big dogs they owned then, got out and killed almost all of my chickens.  Their solution?  Send them to the pound. (You can read about that incident HERE)

Suddenly the lady is raging at me and calling me a liar, telling me her sons told her I had threatened to shoot them and their dog if they came onto my property again…

WHAT’S THIS?

Sorry lady but I don’t own a gun and I would never threaten anyone with being shot.  I tried to reason with her (it didn’t work) and finally told her that her child had lied to her and left.

Meanwhile… the neighbors got an earful.  I look over and there they are, standing there, just staring and cringing.

Why did I bother?

HINDSIGHT:  When dealing with a lady who goes from a conversational voice to shouting in less than  .00139 seconds, just shut up and leave.  There is no reasoning with an irrational woman and in a moment you will end up sounding just like her.  Honestly, just SHUT UP and walk away.  It’s better in the long run.

Next time I’ll come prepared.

Look! It’s a scam.

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My husband was on a Sun Chip jag last fall.  He was also irritated at how noisy the new “Compostable” bag was.

He didn’t believe it would work and said:  “Just throw it away, it’s a scam,”

Well, I am big on composting and I’ll do anything I can to keep as much as possible of the landfill.  I currently put all kitchen waste, smallish cotton scraps and thread from my sewing projects, any paper that comes into the house or via the mail so long as it is not shiny and/or brightly colored.  So when I saw the bag I thought OK I will try it!

Imagine my surprise today when digging out well-rotted compost for my new garden patch to discover this at the bottom of the heap!

The brag on the bag?  “Louder because it’s compostable.”

The bag also points out that it should be fully composted by week 13…

However …

My lovely assistant Polly would like to point out…

That the date on the bag is October 19 of 2010!  That’s 8 months, or roughly 32 weeks – give or take.

I think that makes it official.

As a biodegradable product it is  a “FAIL”

Following Protocol: chicken courtship

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I’ve read that roosters, for the most part, have had the proper protocols bread right out of them when it comes to courtship.

You see, when the rooster wants to get amorous he is supposed to dance in a circle around the hen and drop one wing like a fan touching the ground.  To my mind a polite rooster looks quite a bit like a Matador.  Now, if the hen is interested, she will drop down and wait…

I am certain that Topper must feel every bit like this Matador.  Can’t you just hear him?  

Topper: “Hennies, am I not handsome and irresistible?”

This morning he gave the Little Red Hen his best Matador impersonation and instead of the expected drop, she puffed up as if in scorn, and fiercely chest butted him!

Poor Topper!

Personally, I think he is a spectacular specimen of a Laced Buff Polish Rooster, but even Tippy won’t have anything to do with him and she’s a LBP hen!

So, even with his good looks and suave demeanor, he just gets no respect out there in the chicken yard.

~*~

Polish chickens are a varied breed!  Want to see more?  Look  —> HERE!

I found a bit on the *chicken’s mating behavior (if you are really interested to know more) but it is very technical –> HERE.

*Everything else was about Prairie Chickens.

Nostalgia and a Birthday!

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It goes without saying that if you are living with a gluten intolerant or Celiac person that real birthday cake is kinda rare.  Now it has been known to happen (twice maybe?) that the lady of the Farmlet went to the bakery and purchased a small real birthday cake with real flour and real gluten goodness in it for the man of the Farmlet,  but again, it is rare.

This year she tried to get the man to tell her what he wanted for his birthday and he finally said,

“Really, all the things I want I just go and buy for myself… so I don’t really want or need anything.”

WAIT A MINUTE!

Birthdays are supposed to be all about surprises, friends, family and fun!

(Yeah, I know, but it goes perfectly with the mixer…  OK, I heard that, you’re saying “What mixer?”  Wait for it it’s coming.)  🙂

It’s about getting that one little thing you just really wanted but couldn’t bring yourself to buy… (well ok, mine this year wasn’t so little, but it was what I really wanted and although we could really live without it, we really can use it.)

I digress.

Anyway, I couldn’t find a decent bakery in time for the big day, so I went out and bought a mix and some new cake pans to do the baking.  The new cake pans were necessary so as not to contaminate my bake ware.

I can hear you shouting:  “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE BEATERS ON THE MIXER!!!”

Not to worry.  I had a backup!

Way back in 1945 the man of the Farmlet’s Mother got married and she got a hand mixer which she used at least once a week for making cakes, cookies, custards, mashed potatoes, etc. for her family, and she continued to use it right up until she moved in with the Big Guy Upstairs…

Now as it happens, we moved into her home and inherited most of the stuff she left behind.  Much later, when we packed up to move to the Farmlet,  we took the most important stuff with us.   So how did I know  that a mixer over 65 years old was important, you ask?  The answer is simply that I liked that it still worked, although I have to admit I never imagined I’d actually use it!

And so it was that I put down dish towels, got out the old Pyrex bowls from the 50s, and got to work!

Yeah,  I used a box mix…  OK so I cheated!  What’s a gluten-free woman to do on such short notice…  I ask you?

But the box mix was covered in real, homemade, chocolate buttercream frosting!

No, your eyes do not deceive you.  That cake is most certainly lopsided.  I’m out of practice after all, but I have it on good authority it was a GREAT birthday cake.  Now I am certainly not bragging.  Honestly, if you have not had real cake for years, well then, this one was pretty much going to be well received now wasn’t it?  😉

~*~

Using Mom’s old mixer and bowls somehow made it seem as if she was right there with me, and I could imagine her smiling as I worked.

~*~