What a busy month!

Wondering where I was?  Well, I wasn’t here…


But let me back up.  First I want to tell you about my friend Kate Chiconi in Australia who assembles donated quilt blocks into quilts for Ovarian cancer.  She sets the theme, all based on a teal colorway and then sews them up, quilts them, and donates them for auction!  The latest quilt is called “Signed, Tealed, and Delivered.”  My donation was featured HERE.  Go visit Kate at Tall Tales from Chiconia She is a fabulous quilter and you won’t be disappointed.

I had chosen to participate and mailed these to her for inclusion…

(I have no clue why these did not display when I posted this!)

This was an enjoyable paper pieced project for me!   I received notification of their arrival on the day I got back.

Back from where?

I went on an over 2,000 mile (including side trips) excursion through 5 states!  Yes, me…

The ex agoraphobic!

And you can call me Han, as in SOLO!

Because, yes, I traveled alone on this two-week trip.  I am so proud of this breakthrough.  I am owning the saying “Go big or go home!”  I went BIG, came home and it was exciting!

I will be posting a few pictures and telling more about my trip over the next week.  But I wanted you to know how excited I am about these blocks and my road trip.

Posting soon with more…





A  anxiety

G  gasping

O  out alone

racing heart

A   anger (self)

P   panic

H  helplessness

O  oppressive feeling of fear

B  behavioral anomaly


A  avoidance

Today halfway through physical therapy I began to tear up.  My heart began to race.  I tried to control it, but it seemed  the harder I tried, the worse it got.  I got up to go to the next station for treatment and suddenly felt faint.


Crying and fainting are not allowed in public.  (My rule.)

I had to go, NOW.

I am uncertain as to the trigger for today’s incident, but feel it had something to do with the unannounced change in Physical Therapists.

All the way home I kept telling myself I don’t need medication.  Haven’t had it, don’t want it, no way!  After all, I have been doing quite well for over a year now and cannot understand this sudden, out of nowhere, fall into the abyss of fear and panic.

How I felt when I got home…

How I felt by the time I got homeEmbarrassed.

It is a mystery.

One that I hope does not repeat itself.

I Feel Good!

I knew that I would, but not when…

Those of you who’ve known me for a while know that I have been fighting the good fight to regain my life again.  I have been suffering from agoraphobia and depression for a few years.

Buying the Mountain Farmlet (hidden benefits there) and pure determination have been my only tools to overcome the disability.

One of the saddest manifestations of this disorder was my lack of drive to do anything I once loved to do.

Well, I’m definitely on the downhill side of this mountain and the fabric is flying again!

I finished the extra long robe I cut out last February.


I’ll stay warm this winter even if not *fashionable.  😉

And now I’m quilting again!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’ll share the result when I am done, and I promise not to take 8 months to do it!  😀


Have a blessed weekend.


*NOTE:  Why is it that when the fabric stores have a big sale on fleece they only have kiddie prints?  Where’s all the fleece in Adult prints?  Do they even make such a thing?  Equally important,  why is it that here in Huntsville you can never find a really warm robe that is long enough to cover your legs down to the ankles?  

Making a fleece robe for an adult is expensive, even when the fabric is on sale, but we do what we must to keep our pegs warm!  Even when it means running about wearing Teddy Bears and looking like a big kid.  😀

Out With It: my phobia has a name

I came to the computer ready to tell you something else, and then because of  blog posts from several friends, this week alone, I find the courage to discuss my problem in public…


living my life within the walls of home.

inability to leave home without my husband or a friend in tow.

able to watch simply gorgeous days go by my window and never step foot outside to enjoy it.

going to a party down the street, bursting into tears and nearly fainting dead on the floor… the consequence of which left me feeling like an ass.

trying to go to the post office, or into the city for much-needed dr appointments, not being able to find a parking space, completely loosing it in the parking structure, having to go all the way back home to reschedule, and then never making the second appointment.


going the dr and finding the parking space only to find out that the ticket machine wants exact change, the change machine is broken, the lady in the coffee shop won’t give you change even with a purchase,  your fingers have become too cold to work the automatic teller machine in the hospital across the street, you are coming unglued in public and everyone is staring at the old lady who is crying and can’t speak coherently to ask for help.  going back to the lady in said drs office, she finally acquiesces saying, “…even though I’m not supposed to!” and gives me a token so I can make my escape from the parking prison downstairs.

~~~ agoraphobia ~~~

The problem is taking its toll.  I start to do something fun and get excited about working on a project and just as quickly as I begin I suddenly loose steam and find myself unable to do the work. It is a physical lethargy that actually causes me to crumple and I can’t go on…

~~~ perfectionism ~~~

I recently told a blogger friend that:

“I find that my perfectionism desire is so strong that it causes me not to try, or I try and then set it aside and dream of making it perfect. My other sickness is not allowing myself to do the fun stuff because “I really should be doing something important around here.” Like housework, and laundry. Hence, the battle in my head rages and nothing gets done.

I feel like I am in a whirlpool and lack the strength to fight my way to the surface sometimes.”

My husband even does all the shopping.  He is very patient and I don’t know what I would do without him.

I tried to start up with a quilting guild and made it a few times because I knew I had a friend there from church… this lasted a total of about 3 visits and I couldn’t break inertia to go back.

For those of you who might wonder…  here are two things not to worry about:

  1. My animals get tended to and fed everyday.  I derive so much joy from them and love them too much to deny them care.
  2. I am not feeling so bad that I will hurt myself  (I know what you’re thinking, don’t go there, I’m not.)


Well, that was totally out of left field, but this has been going on for far too long.  So, if you are reading this and you are still with me, it means I pushed the post button and hope that my confession does not send you looking elsewhere for your reading enjoyment.

I promise not to post this here on the Farmlet again.