Is it time for Friday Fictioneers already?
Yes, it is.
Thank you, Rochelle, for all your hard work in obtaining the prompts each week.
Posted for June 26, 2015
PHOTO PROMPT – © Kent Bonham
In my rush to publish this morning I think I wrote my first DUD. So, I went back to the computer and completely re-wrote my entry. I feel better about it now. 🙂
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Battle Ready
The war between the tribes had been going on for centuries. Mirabella, now experienced enough to go to war, only needed her battle kit. She’d saved for some time to purchase the No.22 hanging there on the wall. It was more than she needed, yet contained all the essentials.
It was well known that this shopkeeper would sell to anyone. However, the garlic hung out front clearly indicated his preference. Holding her breath she ducked into the shop.
Paying him for her purchase, she grinned when she handed back the lantern and nasty dehydrated food.
She wouldn’t be needing them.
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100 words exactly.
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Life on the Farmlet 
She had to hold her breath? Poor thing – at least it seems like a safe house for her. Good story! Nan
Thank you, Nan. 🙂
I didn’t get it, Dee. I shall have a think about it over breakfast (probably too early for my brain anyway) and come back in a while to read the other comments. Hope all is well with you.
Apparently, you are not alone, Sandra. I was having a difficult writing day. Perhaps next week will be better.
It happens. 😉
Not sure I understand: more vampires?
Yes, Mick. Blame it on the garlic in the window. 😉
Fantastic! I love a good Vampire story, a really great take on the prompt and well written. i want to know what happens next! 🙂
Thank you, Heidi. I’m glad you caught on to my Vampire angle. 😉
Ah – you spotted the garlic too! Nice story – or not, if you prefer.
Thank you, Liz. Apparently the rewrite was worth the effort. 🙂
When you mentioned garlic and holding Mirabelle holding breathe, I thought aha! At least one of the tribes is vampirish!.
Great story!
I’m so glad you understood that, Phylor. Apparently, for most at any rate, I needed to be a bit more obvious.
Not all minds run to the gothic and evil as ours do. 😉
I have my moments…
Guess she gets her nutrition elsewhere… 😉
Yes, Lorna, she does.
ICK!
Dear Lynda,
I have to be honest and say that I was confused. I thought perhaps the garlic reference had something to do with vampires.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Dear Rochelle,
It was, as were the grin when she handed back the lantern and freeze dried food she wouldn’t need. This story is fast becoming the stale joke that you have to explain in order to get the listener to “get it”. 😉 I realized it was bad when 11 people came by to visit, and of those 4 clicked the “like” button and left, and the rest just left… That was why I rewrote it, but for most of my readers it hasn’t helped much.
And that is OK, even Stephen King has written some clinkers so I guess I learn and then try harder next time. 😀
Shalom,
Lynda
Holding her breath for garlic.. I guess there is not something you would see in a mirror.
No, I think not, Björn. Glad you understood.
I think your story is very clear, the shop owner will sell to anyone, including the vamps – glad she could get her battle gear. Well done!
Thank you, Yolanda Renee! I’m glad you picked up on my subtleties in the wording. 😀
Pesky garlic, and I hope she got some money back for not taking those supplies.
Francesca, I think she was doing well to have been able to purchase them at all. But I’m certain her toothy grin and his involuntary flinch were ample compensation. Don’t you agree? 😀
I think the vampire references now are clear. I think it’s a good story, full of good ideas, too.
Thank you, Gahlearner. I think I might like to expand this to a short story, because the whole time I was writing it I wanted to say so much more than 100 words would allow.
I may just do it. 🙂
I think you should expand, I am most curious now 🙂
Thank you, Samantha! That thought and many ideas have been running in my head all day. We’ll see. 🙂
we will be watching…and reading!
Thank you, Samantha!
I thought you were setting up the shopkeeper as a dealer or supplier for criminal gangs, or others who operate under the radar. The twist when you reveal who she really is works well.
Thank you, Margaret. For some that twist was too subtle. I’m glad you got it. 😀
I must be wide awake cause I totally got this!
Good! Thank you, Dawn!
I like the vampire hint here. I got it! It’s good and it would be good to read more if you ever feel like expanding on it 😀
Thank you, Dianne! As always you inspire me to keep going. 🙂